I woke up the next morning with Noah in my arms. We finally made it to the bed to cuddle this time. 

I couldn’t stop myself from gently stroking his cheek and gazing at his expression. It said, I’m here and I’m safe in your arms. He was so cute when he was deep in sleep. His lips slightly parted. I haven’t seen that sight since he and I were kids. 

My thumb gently ran across his bottom lip. 

The night before he had passed out in my arms from crying so hard and I carried him to bed. He was so concerned about me. About what I let them do to me just so I could get back to him sooner.

Dylan scared me when he got that phone call. 

He told me that Noah was in distress in the most annoyed way ever. Then he gave me the ultimatum. I could continue my training as planned or go home early at a price. Of course I chose the latter and it did hurt like hell. 

At least Dylan had the speckle of decency to give me a rag to bite down on first. I assume the welts will go away in maybe a week. I’m going to have to hide them in the locker room until then. 

I can’t say for sure who Dylan was on the phone with but I have a pretty good idea who he was on the phone with. And with that being said I’m going to really have to have a talk with Nico. There's no way he thinks I want him around Noah when I’m not around. I asked him to do me two favors. Just to walk Noah home that one time and never give him those drugs again. 

As softly as I could I got out of bed. I didn’t want to disturb Noah in his sleep. I went to take a shower and brush my teeth but… being in the shower was a little more important at the time. I'll brush my teeth after. I really needed to take care of something I didn’t want to freak Noah out with. 

I took off my clothes, then bandages and there he was. Standing up waving at me begging for my attention… Well not mine, he wants Noah’s attention. I’m sure he was like this all night. I turned on the shower and paused. I need to see it. I stood in front of the mirror, my back to it and turned my head over my shoulder. 

Well he didn’t hold back. Welts showed across my back. Raised bruised marks each maybe six inches long. 

I huffed and stepped inside the shower only to feel the fucking sting of my welts once the water hit them. 

Fuck you Dylan. 

I looked down and he was still up. To my surprise pain didn’t scare him enough to put him down. Not after being so close to Noah all night, and the other stuff we did. 

Dammit I was close. I was going to make him see past the stars. He was going to see galaxies NASA doesn’t even know about. If I can just get my hands on him one time, maybe even my mouth if he will let me. 

He’s so innocent, although sometimes his language can get a little colorful and thats even cute to me. It just doesn’t fit the rest of his personality. But I guess I can say I get it. His dad cursed a lot more than he did. That bastard. 

But I don’t want to think about that right now. I just want to focus on Noah.

I planted one hand on the shower wall and the other on my shaft, giving it a few slow strokes before speeding it up gradually. Let's just say I was practicing for the real thing. Planning it all out. His emerald green eyes looked up at me. The faces he’ll make. Desperate way he’ll say my name. I need to hear him say my name while touching his most sensitive spots again. I’ll start off slow of course and ask him if he wants it faster and when he does..

Splurt

“S-Shit,’ I grunted. 

Well, the plan is to last a lot longer than that when it happens. I wonder if he’ll ask to top me at some point. And of course I’m going to let him. How could I tell him no when I’m just trying to fulfil his desires? I wouldn’t make him do anything for me I wouldn’t do for him so… It's fair. Not that I’d be exactly thrilled about it if I’m being honest but that's none of his business. 

I finished my shower in the way it’s actually meant to be used and wrapped a towel around my waist before I brushed my teeth. 

Then it hit me. I forgot to grab clothes. Dammit. Maybe Noah is still asleep.

I snuck into my room and I was right he was still asleep. God he looked like an Angel. Even when he tells me to shut up. 

But, okay, the moment of truth. Closet door please don’t creak. I didn’t close the bedroom door last night because that was the last thing on my mind but I guess I didn’t expect Noah to sleep this long. Poor thing. What Dylan did to me really might have taken more of a toll on him than me. 

I slowly opened the door.

Creeeeeak

Shiiiiiiiit

I looked over at Noah who was rubbing his eyes before he looked up at me. You know, nothing but a towel around my waist. I quickly turned my back towards the closet because he didn’t need to see whatever image my back was giving right now. 

“I’m sorry Noah, I forgot my clothes when I went to shower.”

Noah’s eyes went wide when he realized what he was looking at. His eyes racked over me and it made me crack a little smile. That's when he turned the darkest shade of red I think he has ever achieved. A world record. 

‘Uh.. y-yeah. Okay. I’ll just go to the living room for now.”

He kind of got up in a mini panic and left the room. I wonder what kind of panic he’d have if he knew what I just got done doing in the shower with him on my mind.

God, he’s so cute when he’s flustered. Too bad we have classes today.

I got dressed and went out into the kitchen.

“Hey, I’m getting in the shower,” Noah said.

He wasn’t able to look at me.

“Okay.”

I started making breakfast. Today we’re having French toast. Kid Noah used to like that too.

RING! RING! RING!

Noah’s phone. He left it on the coffee table. I wonder if it’s his mom.

I walked over and grabbed it.

What the fuck?

I answered.

“Nico…”

“Lucas? Well, I don’t remember calling your phone.”

“Look, you know where I stand with Noah. We talked about this.”

“I was just checking on him. He was really upset when he left my place yesterday.”

“Left your place? Why the fuck did you have him at your place?”

At this point I felt myself slipping into a slight rage. He had no business taking Noah to his place.

“I didn’t take him anywhere. He just showed up at my door.”

“What the fuck? What did he want?”

“Look, he had some questions, but he also saw some things that upset him. I was just checking on him. Oh, and if you’re wondering, I’m the reason Dylan even let you leave early so you could go to him.”

“I know that, idiot. But that entire situation would’ve been avoided if he was never at your apartment.”

“Well, unfortunately, I couldn’t stop him. And he saw some things in here. He was obviously upset about it, so…”

“What the hell did he see?”

“Oh, well, I had company, and she wasn’t wearing much clothes.”

“What?”

“Yeah… I think the guns and weed upset him too.”

“Guns I understand, but a half-naked girl?”

“Yeah, he told me I move on fast. I didn’t even get to apologize.”

CLICK.

I hung up.

Because how dare this fucker even think Noah… Noah doesn’t care about him. He doesn’t even like him. In fact, he looked so shaken when I dragged him out of Nico’s apartment that day.

I still can’t unsee that.

Noah was completely at his mercy. I hate that he’s the only one who knows what’s going on. I’d have a teammate help me watch over Noah, but… I don’t think Noah would be comfortable. I’m sure he’s still confused about his sexuality. He doesn’t understand it, but neither do I. All I know is… I’m attracted to Noah in every way. And now I know he went to Nico’s apartment last night and got upset over a girl being there?

Shit.

I grabbed my chest. I don’t think it’s supposed to ache like this.

There’s no way he’s developed feelings for that guy. I mean… maybe it was the guns, right?

My chest ached again.

I’m so close to making Noah mine. This can’t be real. I can’t take it. I need to go punch Nico in the face right now.

The more I thought about it, the harder it was to stop myself from going to his apartment.

Then I heard Noah.

“Hey! Lucas, the food—it’s burning!”

Oh shit!

I ran over to the stove and moved the pan off the burner and into the sink.

Dammit. Nico pissed me off so bad I almost burned down the kitchen.

I sighed.

“I’m sorry, Noah. I was trying to make you some breakfast before you went to class.”

“It’s okay. I can eat cereal.”

Noah looked at the counter.

“Is that my phone?”

I didn’t even realize I still had his phone in my hand when I ran over to the stove. I set it on the counter in a panic.

“Yeah… Nico called you.”

Noah looked at the floor.

“Oh…”

“Hey, just eat your cereal. I’m sorry about breakfast. I’ll make it up to you for lunch, okay?”

“Okay…”

“Hey.”

I walked over to him and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Dude, it’s okay. Just eat, go to class, and have a good day. I promise I’ll have a great lunch for you later.”

“Okay,” Noah said, still unable to meet my gaze. “You’re not mad at me?”

“No. And we have all day to talk about.”

He finally looked up at me, but for some reason guilt was in his eyes. He nodded, and I kissed his forehead.

He moved back just a little.

“That’s not okay?” I asked.

“I-I don’t know. I guess I just feel a little weird right now.”

I removed my hand.

“Okay… well, I’m going to head out early, okay?”

“Okay. See you at lunch.”

“See ya.”

I grabbed my things and headed out.

I don’t want Noah to stress over everything while he’s trying to focus on class.

He’s obviously confused again. He’s regressing. He didn’t even want me to kiss his forehead just now. We were literally all over each other last night.

I sighed.

Damn you, Nico.

__________________________________________________________________________

I got back to the apartment before Noah, so I waited for him. As soon as he came through the door, I stood and walked over, reaching to take his backpack off his shoulders.

“Hey, wanna go out to eat?”

Noah wouldn’t look at me. He stopped me by grabbing the strap of his bag when I tried to pull it off.

“I got it…”

I let go and stepped back.

“Okay.”

He set his bag down but didn’t move after that. Just stood there.

“Hey, we can stay here,” I said gently. “We don’t have to go out.”

“I—” Noah paused, like the words were stuck in his throat.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m thinking about leaving,” he said quietly. “Going back home.”

“W-what?”

My heart dropped so fast it felt like it hit the floor.

“I mean… if I’m gone, Dylan might leave you alone, right?” he continued. “This is all happening to you because of me. Whatever he’s doing to you… and—”

“Noah, I don’t want—” I stopped myself.

Dammit. How do I tell him I don’t want him to leave because I don’t want him that far away from me? That’s selfish. He’s here for a degree.

I sighed.

“Noah… what about school?”

“I guess I’d find an online program.”

I swallowed. “Is this… does this have something to do with Nico?”

“This isn’t natural,” he said suddenly. “We shouldn’t be kissing or acting like—”

“Did seeing Nico with a girl upset you that much?”

His eyes snapped up to mine.

“W-what? No!” He threw his hands up defensively. “Nico told me he was into both guys and girls.”

“You told him he moves on fast.”

“I—” He looked away, blushing, fists tightening at his sides. “I don’t know why I said that. I’m sorry.”

“I’m just trying to figure you out, Noah.”

“What?” His voice cracked as he looked back at me. “Lucas, I can’t even figure myself out. I don’t know what I want or what I’m supposed to want, or how I feel, or how I’m supposed to feel. I’m so confused about all of this. You… Nico… Nico and Dylan are cousins. He knew way more than he let on this whole time, and I guess… I felt betrayed. Nico acted like he liked me. He tried really hard to get me to like him back. So seeing the girl really caught me off guard. And the guns too. Why does he need those? Has he shot somebody before?”

“Noah, please calm down.”

“I feel like I’m losing my mind, Lucas.”

“What do you need me to do?” I asked softly. “How can I help you?”

“We should leave.”

“If you want to leave, I understand,” I said carefully. “But… I can’t. I already know too much. They’d come after me.”

And there it was—the look I hated most.

Noah’s tears.

“And that’s my fault!” he sobbed. “I put you in danger!”

“Noah… you don’t understand. You were targeted.”

“What?”

“Those stupid surveys they make you fill out to match you with a roommate. Dylan uses them to pair himself with people he thinks will be easy to control. He did it to his last roommate too.”

That didn’t calm him down. If anything, it made him cry harder.

“I put myself in danger to protect you,” I said quietly. “I chose this. You didn’t. So if you want to leave… if that’s what will make you happy, I won’t stop you.”

“I don’t understand why you’d go through all this for me,” he said through tears. “I’ve never done this much for you.”

“Noah…” I stepped closer and took his hand. “Because I am in love you. You—”

I paused. Then squeezed his fingers gently and his eyes went wide before I continued.

“You are the most important thing in the world to me. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to make sure you’re safe. I owe you this.”

“Y-You, going from being so cruel to me,” he hiccupped, wiping his face with his sleeve, “to suddenly treating me like I’m the most precious thing in the world… it really messes with my head.”

“I know,” I said softly. “And that dark moment in our lives?”

I met his eyes.

“That’s what we leave behind… if you can.”

Noah looked down. He was silent and I guess he just didn’t know what to say. But his hands did tighten around mine just a bit.

“I mean it Noah, I’m in love with you and have been for years.”

I squeezed his hand a little tighter and he squeezed mine back. Still silent. Still not willing to look up at me. 

“You don’t have to say it back,” I said, lifting his hand and pressing a gentle kiss to his knuckles. “You don’t have to tell me how you feel. I know you’re conflicted—and I’m willing to give you as much time as you need.”

And my poor beautiful Noah… all he could do was continue to cry.